A View of Some of the Worst Lines in Literature from a Black Girl Book Reviewer's Perspective.
If you're an avid reader like me, I'm willing to guarantee you've stumbled upon some terrible lines in a book or two. Now that doesn't necessarily mean the book itself was bad, it just means that line or paragraph in particular snatched you out of the moment and made you cringe. Or scratch your head in confusion. It happens. Even the most popular authors have some stinkers every now and then. I'm looking directly at you, Mrs. Hoover. 😒 That being said, I took a few days to compile a list of some of the worst lines people have read in some of the most popular books. If you've had a pulse and have ventured anywhere on the internet in the last few years, I am willing to guarantee you've heard of Instagram and TikTok. What you may not know, however, is that deep in the dark corners of both websites, a community of book lovers exist.
They have taken over that little corner of the websites and transformed them into BookTok and Bookstagram. Same website, but more concentrated content. It can be a scary place. A very scary place. Especially when you venture into parts of the book world that you didn't know existed. After being a part of the community for a few months now, I have to say...some of you are out here reading some questionable stuff. I'll try to reserve my judgment.
But I make no promises.
Anyway, I thought it would be fun to take a look at some of the worst lines from some popular books. If you have any you'd care to share, please feel free to send a message on Instagram. I'll even be nice and add a little button so you can go directly to it.
If you're not an Instagram person and have no interest in learning how to navigate another social media website, then do not fret my pet! You can find us over on Facebook as well. I've even got a button designed specifically for the Book of Faces just so you don't feel left out.
Alright. Now that we have that out of the way. Let's get started, shall we?
Worst Line #1
"Christ. My cock is thickening faster than whisked gravy over a high heat."
Okay. In case you didn't know, there is a such thing as too much detail. The word "cock" gives me the ick anyway, but when you compare it to thick gravy then I have no choice but to projectile vomit.
I am not much of a smut reader, if I'm being completely Honest Abe. It's weird trying to describe a sex scene. Authors tend to start using some incredibly awkward imagery in order to explain to the readers exactly what is happening. Hence, the comparison to gravy.
I've always wondered what the author is doing or thinking when they write lines like this. Is it because they are imagining themselves as the character and that's what the character would say? Or do they cackle maniacally in the dark, their faces illuminated by their computer screens, as they try to come up with a line that will make us cringe the hardest? Do you take pride in torturing us? I need to know.
Worst Line #2
"Carolyn felt chilled, but it wasn't because of the AC."
No cocks were involved in the writing of this line (at least I hope not). This one isn't as bad as the first one. No awkward comparisons of the male anatomy to Thanksgiving foods, thankfully.
It seems a little unnecessary. I suppose the author was trying to let us know that it was cold in the house, but the main character felt a chill because of what was happening.
Like I said, every now and then some authors drop a few stink bombs. Doesn't make them horrible authors. Doesn't make the book terrible. It's just that specific line that makes you want to yell: WHAT WAS THE REASON?! Like Cardi B.
Worst Line #3
"Her rump twitched in irritation at the wasted effort."
This one left me thoroughly confused. As a matter of fact, I'm still confused looking at it now. Her rump twitched in irritation? How does that even make sense?
It gives me the mental image of someone being so mad about something that they bend over and start twerking. I can't say that I've ever seen that done before, but stranger things have happened.
Maybe.
Who knows? Maybe a good twerk sesh is exactly what you need to get those negative feelings out. It does take a long of energy. Next time I get pissed off at work, I'll just stop what I'm doing and start twerking. We'll see where that lands me. I'll report back in a few days with the results.
Worst Line #4
"I will be back tomorrow, cubbie-bear" she whispers in my ear. "Mom, don't call me that I'm in jail!"
Full honesty moment. If anyone has had more than a ten second conversation with me about books, I have probably mentioned how much this one in particular irritates me to no end.
There were a bunch of stinkers in this book, because the writing was not so great, but this one stood out to me most. It seems so bratty and entitled. Now mind you, this is a grown man talking to his mother. A grown man on trial for murder. Even though it's giving "teenager that's mad he's been grounded" vibes.
To be quite honest, I don't understand how this book ranked as highly as it did. So many people talked about how much they loved it. I couldn't stand it. As a matter of fact, I wrote a detailed review on why I couldn't stand it. I'll link it here in case you're curious to check it out. Before you do, let me warn you, it's not pretty. Read the review here
Worst Line #5
"When he was wiping that cow sh*t on me, it was quite possibly the most turned-on I have ever been."
Colleen Hoover has entered the chat. This was actually one of the books by Colleen that I enjoyed. Plus, the cover is pretty, and we all know how I get about pretty book covers. If you've been paying attention at all, you may have noticed that the sequel to this book (It Starts with Us) has just been released and has the girlies in a tizzy. As usual. Most of her books have such a cult following that I'm sure she could confess to murder, and no one would bat and eye. As long as she wrote a book about it.
For this book in particular, with this really weird line, Lily has the habit of writing in her diary as if she were writing letters to Ellen DeGeneres. She tells Ellen that when she was hanging out with her boy crush Atlas, he was wiping cow manure on her, and it was the most turned on she had ever been in her teenage life.
In Lily's defense, the teenage brain in love is like a regular brain on drugs. They say and do some pretty outlandish things. BUT cow excrement is where I draw the line. If anyone comes near me with feces from any type of person or animal, I'm going to assume they are ready to fight. Because that is exactly what will happen if any of it gets on me. But maybe that's just me. Apparently, for Lily, it's quite the turn on.
So, there you have it folks. 5 of some of the worst lines in popular-(ish) books. I'll be back next week with another list. If you have any you'd like to add to the list, then feel free to reach out. Let me know what line you hated and what book it came from. What do you think of the 5 picked for this week? Let me know! I can't wait to hear your thoughts.
Until next time,
Happy Reading Babes! ❤